-l0sT wIfFoUT Him-

woots!!!its grace's birthday!!!

2006-05-29T00:10:00.000-07:00

happy birthday grace!!!haha my beloved cg leader...lao le yi sui le...haha...jkjk...u will forever stay young de...haha....i just wanna say thx for everything that u have done for me....everything that u did for me from the first time i came to E222....haha...io know u very teng wo lah....haha...ya really thx for everything....thx for being there to cheer me up when i down...and thx for all the hugs....at the and of june...our cg will be multiplying....haha...and i know that u have already made your decisions...haha....dun worry....even if i may not be put on the same cg with those ppl that i wan...its really alright...i will nv be a back slider....and i will be forever on fire for GOD and i promised u that i wil grow stronger spiritually....haha....E222 know about wad happened recently...but there are still lots of guys out there....hope a better guy will come into ur liife...haha...no matter wad happens....u will forever be the best cg leader in my heart!!!!haha and i believe that all the E222 members think so too.....once again happy birthday!!!love ya lots!!!!!
<3 u forever,
x-crystal-x

after all these times....

2006-05-25T23:32:00.000-07:00

after all these times i still miss u alot...i realise its not easy to forget someone who is so so important in my life....and thats u...maybe bcos i was kind of her close fren thats y we were kind of close too....my dreams are all shattered now...i cant explain how sad i feel now...its beyond wad words can explain....will u stop these tears...u r the only one who can mend my heart...but i know thats nv gonna happen though...they saw everything...even the words from that bottom of my heart that was written for u...i seriously dun understand y they must do that...but wads done cannot be undone...it was meant only for u.....those words...i can forever remember...while i wrote them....tears flowed down at the same time....but they saw everything le...got nth to say though....wad i say also cant change the situation....haiz....i got no mood to do anything now...really dun understand y bad things are happening to me... =(

x-crystal-x
u will forever be in my heart....wish u all the best
i think i should put the end to everything....maybe in ur heart it was long over...or maybe there wasnt even a start....i have really grown alot these few months...i learnt lots of things....like.....not everything will have a fairytale ending...happy ever after......
from the bottom of my heart...i wish u all the best....this might be the last time im sayin sth to u from the bottom of my heart...cos i might nv have the chance agn...
-iluvu-

2006-05-20T07:08:00.000-07:00

haha that day talked to mr tan...i think he reali very nice la compared to pat wong...its like tian cha di....nvm...haha...then he was in his class then nobody in his class so me and chriis-tina went in then he wanted to write some yi shou jiao qian yi shou jiao huo thing...then his chinese...haha....so we help him lor...ya so his class ppl must thank us ah....haha then asl him to minus his marks cos he always bully me.. :( mummy!!!!!someone bully me!!!!haha jkjkj mr tan will not do that de...haha find that i very lazy to post nowadays haiz cos like very sian....got so many things to write....dun think can write everything in my blog cos u know....i got no one to talk to...u know everyone has secrets???ya so....haiz....then i very busy so even after exams i dun reali use the com cos i busy going out....hahabut i also feel like i have been going out less often already lor....have been very guai lately stay at home more....just dun have the mood to go out lah...just carn wait for 31st may...i bet jie also haha really wanna relax myself...i very stressed up lately le....ya so like....wanna unstress??haha....maybe i stay at home thinking of the past???thinking of how great it was when i was a child???haha nvm....
-lOsT wIfFoUt u-
20/05/06--the day when u are still in my heart

2006-05-16T08:30:00.000-07:00

very long never post le...missed my bloggie....got back exam papers....shall say its ok???now lookin for a holiday job...dunno if i can ever find one....never mind try my luck...god will bless me...alot of things happen....dun wish to say wad.....i still carn forget u....haiz....no mood to type le....but i just wanna say that i realy hate someone....its a sin to hate someone....love ur neighbours as urself...but aiya...i reali carn stand him le lah...k let me tell u this once and for all.....its over everything is over....stop smsing me....cos it only makes me hate u more...haiz....there are somethings i wish to say about your ----- but i know its bad if i type it all out here....aiya....its already over....im sick and tired...haiya...if u dun listen to my advice and let those past times go...its ur prob...dun come and tell me all those er xin stuff...i carn taske it anymore....everytime i wish it was someone else who msg me...i flip open my phone...my heart sinks to the bottom of the sea....i carn take it anymore....everytime i see ur msg...i dun wanna reply but do i have a choice?u will say i dao...just stop it ah....its no use.....everytime i see ur msg...i feel like just throwing my phone away man!!!im gonna delete this blog and create a new one whom no one will know.....so that i can voice out my views openly
-losT wifFouT u-
u will forever be in my heart...although u left a scar...but u painted a beautiful picture too

2006-05-03T18:05:00.000-07:00

went to see her blog...haiz....is it really wrong to treat ppl well???esp guys???then they will think that u treat everyone else the same and they will say things that hurt u....is this really wad we deserve for treatin ppl well???and get mistaken???then wads the use???and y must some ppl be such a hypocrite lah and some ppl just like to be a copycat lah....wads the use???is it reali so fun to be a person with so many faces???i reali dun understand lah....its like wads the use??y must some ppl say things that hurt others' hearts????y must some ppl just doubt the heart of others???y must some ppl play with others' fragile heartS?is it realy so fun to treat us girls like toys?just play around with us and later when u grow out of it and grow sick and tired then just dump it at a side???y must some ppl just give others false hopes???treat one so nicely and then after tt just treat the person like a stranger????if one never grow sick and tired then its more than just love....but why do some ppl just have to be....haix...nvm....i just dun understand....kids are just so innocent....they treat u well and it comes from their hearts....but as they grow up....they learn to be a person with so many faces...hypocrite....and everything...y carn we just be as innocent as kids????we were once kids too....but it seems like there arent any traces at al....cos they have totally change....

to -------------------:
i hope u see this....cheer up k???one day he will understand that u reali care for him as a fren de....

i realli dunno how it feels when a guy gets dumped by a girl...i know the feeling must be terrible....but hey life still goes on rite????they really care for u....did u realise that they are always there for u????u have a bad temper, u are so petty, u have serious moodswings....but they didnt leave u...although a lot of ppl dun like u but they are still there for u....wad did u do in return????just wanna tell u that no matter wad happens life still goes on...so wad if u were once dumped by a girl???does it mean that u will no longer have a successfull relationship in future???no rite????have u ever thought y the girl choose to leave u????maybe both of u are wrong....but if u all wanna be together u have to learn to tolerate each others mistakes rite????but even if she can tolerate there is a limit rite???have u ever thought that maybe it was mainly your fault????just that u dunno.....

to --------:
hope u sees this but i dun think u got come my blog so nvm....

i miss those times....in her...i see the exact reflection of myself......why is life so terrible for the both of us????we just try to treat everyone well....we just wish we will not grow up....but it will never happen.....why can the two most important ppl in our lives just bcome memories instead of the truth.....memories means they will never come back to us again...i really dun understand.....but i just hope that all my frens will be happy....i dun wan to see my reflection in her...i wan her to be happy....i really wan her to cheer up....i pray to god everynight just hoping that everyone will be happy.esp her...i have never seen her smile happily after he left her life...u know im talkin about u....if i really see a shooting star one day....i will wish for something that totally doesnt concern him...i will just wish that u will be happy and he will once again be part of ur life and not part of ur memory.......i reali care for u.....i really wan u to cheer up....

he has bcome a memory in me....i know he will never be part of the truth again...so if i see s shootin star one day...i will not wish for anything about him....but i will wish that u will be happy...remember the three sisters of kopi-c.....we will stay together united as sisters....and i will always be here to pray for u and to cheer u up....u can always tok to me if u need a listening ear.....although i have my troubles but i will be more than willing to share ur burden.....

the 'youngest' among the "tHrE3 sIstERs Of KoPi-C"

bitchy bitchy two (me and hui kian)

2006-04-20T05:32:00.000-07:00

missed my bloggie man!!!haha today had elit drama...i think our cluster reali put in lots of effort esp gerald lah...haha....didnt expect him to act so well de haha but well done man!!!cluster 2 woosh!!!!haha me and hui kian were supposed to act o biang in the end we bcame bitchy lah haha but very fun lah....we realy enjoyed all the practices in class and everything lah....they will be kept in a safe box named memories.....as for u ...u r not kept in the safe box...but in my heart always...haha....nvm....talk about e lit first....then i think all the slides all very nice and rite er actually supposed to have music but then in the end dun have ya so...but nvm....we did our best....cluster 2 rox my socks lah!!!!woots!!!i love cluster 2!!!!our efforts have paid off!!!haha short post cos i dun wanna talk about u anymore...anyways did some kind of test today....those horoscope thingy lah....some ppl think its fake...but i think some parts true then some parts fake lah....haha...but i just wanna tell u that the times we had....the laughters we laughed..will forever be kept safe in my heart...
y does it have to end with a tear???
___crystal___

2006-04-16T01:51:00.000-07:00

WADEVER LAH I M DAMN FREAKING PISSED OFF....WADS THE PROB LAH....U BLOCK THEN BLOCK LOR STILL SAY ITS BCOS U FIND THAT TALKIN TO ME WILL ONLY DUNNO WAD LAH...ALL BULLSHIT LAH....TEARS ARE FLOWING AGAIN....THEY JUST FLOW FREELY DOWN MY CHEEKS....I REALLI WANNA KILL MYSELF LAH...BUT I WILL NV GET TO SEE HIM AGAIN...NVM....SHE SCOLDED ME....I DUN CARE...I DUN WAN ANYONE TO CARE ABOUT ME...ITS NOT WORTH IT...JUST HECK CARE ME LAH...I HATE MYSELF MAN!!!!!!SCOLD LAH U CAN SCOLD ME FOR ALL U WAN I DUN CARE A BIT....JUST SCOLD WADEVER U WAN TO SCOLD....I DUN CARE....WTF....ALTHOUGH THE PAST HURTS BUT THEY ALSO BROUGHT GOOD MEMORIES...U ARE NOT ME...U WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND...I HAVE GIVEN UP ON MYSELF...SO Y DO U ALL STILL WANNA CARE ABOUT ME????I JUST WAN U ALL TO BE HAPPY...COS I KOW THERE IS NO WAY I CAN BE HAPPY AGAIN.....AND U ARE JUST CHEATING URSELF BY SAYING NTH CHANGED...I DUN BELEIVE...ANYWAYS IF U WANNA BLUFF PEOPLE...THEN THERES NTH I CAN DO....U R JUST CHEATING OTHER PPL AND CHEATING UR OWN FEELINGS BY BEING TOGETHER WITH SOMEONE U DUN LIKE....HECK CARE ABOUT ME...JUST STOP EVERYTHING

TEARS FLOWED DOWN MY CHEEKS AT 4.58PM
ITS A SAD EASTER....MY DEATH ANNIVESARY
THIS POST WAS WRITTEN IN HELL.........

2006-04-16T00:11:00.000-07:00

went for service yesterday it was very very special...the drama was so touching...i cried....tears just flowed down....i dunno y....but how i wish the tears could flow freely forever...until i bcome blind....but somehow...i manage to stop the tears bcos i was afraid that if i bcome blind...i can never see u again...but i know even if i reali bcome blind one day.....ur face and ur smile....will stay deep within my heart....then me and the two chars dressed almost the same lah except that we had different bags and shoes i think....ya then very funny....ok back to the service....i think alot of people thought that the beginning was funny.....alot of ppl were laughing....but somehow...i dunno why...i just couldnt laugh...i was thinking of something else.....i looked at her through the corner of my eye....she wasnt laughing too....things were just on our minds....some hurtful things....i really care for u...but she sees no need for us to care about her...i just wanna let her know that i really care for her even if she doesnt want my care...she can reject the care that i give her butit will never stop me from caring for her....just wanna let her know that"u are the greatest fren i can ever have...i dunno about u...maybe to u im just another person whom god has put in ur life...just like anybody else....maybe in ur heart im just someone passing by ur life...but i wanna let u know....u play an important role in my life and u r the bestest fren i can ever find in my whole entire life....even if u dun think the same way as i think i dun care i just wanna let u know that i reali care for u and that u r the greatest fren in my life....and be true to urself....it really hurts me seein u like this...everytime u r depressed i dun feel happy...i reali wan u to be happy...u always try to act like u r happy...but i know u arent happy at all....i really dun wish to see u like that..."i really care for her...i truly wan her to be happy...i dun wan her to be like me...always wearing on a smile but hurting on the inside....i rather im the only one who is unhappy and hurting inside...but i never wan the people around me to be unhappy...tears are flowing again....i hope that the days of the past will come back....when the both of us girlsare so happy and free....when there was someone there to cheer u up...and someone who said will stay by me....i miss those days...when you will see two girls like mad women laughing their heads off and were truly happy inside them.....i really miss those times...will we ever be like b4 again???i doubt so...everything has changed completely...but i truly hope those days will come again....when everybody saw the happy us and not the two girls now wearing on a smile...acting happy...but hurting deeply inside their hearts....i wan those memories back....yesterday i saw his nick....my heart reali sank....but i know that i have to learn to let go...but y carn i just do that???i really hate myself....i hate this world too....y???y does bad things always happen to these two girls who just plainy wish to be happy and free like b4???y???i really dun understand...i just know that im now alone in this world without u....and i only know that the two girls can never be like b4 again.....

iamdead on easter at 3.25pm

2006-04-14T09:54:00.000-07:00

hi my dear bloggie....haiz...so many things are like happening...haiz....today was alone at home....felt so free....i played the piano....when we were still close last time...i used to hate the tian guo de jie ti that song...cos maybe my life was happy then...with u always and forever by my side....and i thought that that song was like so sad...so i didnt like it...but now...i think i fell in love with that song....maybe cos u r no longer by me...and im always so sad and confused...i kept playing the song...i cried...tears rolled down my cheeks as memories came back to me....y is love such a torture???y does love ends with tear???y not love always last forever???i dunno...or perhaps i shall say no one knows....haiz....then char smsed me say she reach ,y house de bus stop le...wanted continue playin the song...ut i didnt wan char to wait so long...so i dried my tears and left the house...i dunno if it was obvious that i cried b4 that but i didnt care at all...i was too occupied in thinking of the times we had together....it was raining...i love the rain...walked in the rain again....although there was lightning and thunder..i didnt care...i was thinking wad will happen one day if i die...will the memories be with me forever even when i can make my way to heaven???or will they just fade away???but now living in this world seems so much like a torture....without u by my side....i really feel the loneliness....although i have my frens...but i just feel weird without u....frens are important...but u are more than important to me....but i dunno abt u.....then i tried to talk to char....think she was like didnt treat it seriously....haiz...suan le....i just wanted her to be true to herself....but i think maybe she thought i was jk...or maybe she wanted to put up a brave front like i am always doing...i dunno....then i asked her some questions....then she keep denying...thten nth i can do lor...haiz....dunno how to help her...just pray to god and hope that she will be happy lor....i might be unhappy but i definitely wan my frens to be happy....then after that char vry quiet....den kind of like ignore me....i was like so afraid...ur door has already shut...i wonder how my life will be like if my frens shut the doors too...i really dunno...i was very sad...tears will going to roll down again...but i tried my best to hold them back...cos i wanna be happy when im infront of my frens so that i will not add to thier burdens cos i know they have their own troubles too...esp the two chars....then after that met charmaine at bugis...went to bugis street then after that we were going down the first level....had to walk the stairs then there was two aunties who were infront they didnt hold the door for us...they just slammed it...i was like imagine how it would me like if all my friend like charmine charmaine and boon tiong...some of my closest fren...slammed their doors in my face...it will be so scary...my life is already in darkness....how dark can it get???i dunno...im reali afraid....u have already left me....i dun wan my frens to leave me too....at this moment i start thinking about my great granma who passed away durin the march hoidays....i miss her too....i really do...tears are rolling down my eyes again...i carn hold them back anymore....i wanna let them flow freely but my mum is here...i dun wan her to worry i will try to hold them back until i finish typing this post....anyways...i learn that a fren is one who will cheer u up when u r down...one who will share happiness with u....and remember frens are not ppl who can read ur minds...u have to be honest with ur frens....tell them wad u think and not talk about it behind their backs....remember this....
-i miss those times...i wan them back...-
hope my frens will never shut the doors...i wonder how much darker my life can get

2006-04-13T00:55:00.000-07:00

today after school then walked to the bus stop with chris but then take diff bus so had to walk home alone....walked in the rain...it was nice....i dunno wad happen....memories just came back to me....and i realise that i didnt forget him....its true that it takes forever to forgwt someone....maybe a few weeks b4...i was naive to have thought i already forgot him...i was wrong....all the memories just came back to me....i cried when i thot of them....they will forever stand a place in my heart....and will forever be kept in my heart and never be forgotten...why does love always have to end with a tear???i just simply dun understand....it is so easy to just fall in love with someone...but when it comes to forgetting that person....haix....it will never be the same....we are not as close as b4 le....but im contented enuf that we are still frens.....although sometimes we seem like strangers....see each other never say anything but everytime u smile...it reali brightens up my day...everytime im so tired and sick of school...i will be lucky if i see u cos ur smile is just like a sun to me....it lights up the darkness in my world....at first i thot maybe i have forgotten u...but i am reali wrong....sometimes...i think the time that i spent alone are just so precious to me....cos all the memories will just come back to me....although there are also bad memories...but to me...as long as they are still memories they wll always be a piee of my jigsaw-ed world....without this piece....it willl be incomplete....they picture will never be completed like it should be....it will always stand a place in my heart ...no matter wad happens....even to the day i die....i will want to bring it along with me....i really carn do without these memories...i just carn seem to forget u.....all the memories are just comin back to me now....i really carn 4get u and ur smile....ur smile really lights up my day....the moments that u smile will also be parts of my jigsaw-ed world....i really carn do without these memories....they will always be locked in my heart...never forgotten...u r like a lighthouse directing me(a ship) to its destination...without u....i can never get to my destination and my jigsaw-ed world will forever be incomplete.....i really miss those times....when will ii get to experience all the memories again and feel wad it is like???i really dunno....it might be never again.....i reali carn do without u.....i will never forget the memories....

i really carn do without u....i miss those times.....
to another person:
WTF!!!!DUN EVER TALK TO ME AGAIN!!!NEVER!!!!>REMEMBER THIS PLS!!!! IF U THINK THAT I KEEP DAO-ING U THETN FINE LAH!!!LET IT BE THAT WAYS THEN!!!IM ALREADY VERY TROUBLED!!!!IM WASHING MY HANDS OFF EVERYTHING LE!!!!DUN EVER TALK TO ME EVER AGAIN!!!!NEVER!!!!

im half drunk

2006-04-12T08:13:00.000-07:00

we ordered alcoholic drinks...im half drunk now though i only drank abit....haha im wish i can forever be drunk and will nv noe wads happening in this world....haha.....
to char: *mwakx* haha must remember k????
haha the drinks rock haha
me and char are two crazy girls laughing away in fish and co. and making all the waitress crazy

clebration at fish and co....totally rock

2006-04-12T07:51:00.000-07:00

haha hi everyone...today had piano as usual lor...lucky i never late sia...haha then after that went airpot with char and mum and jie to celebrate jie de bday...as usual lah...me and my dedar char were laughing like siao....haha....then rite there was this waitress called koreen i think...i dunno how to spell lah....then everytime she walk past then coincidentally we laugh wad...then she thot we laughing at her....so funny lah...haha....kk then rite....me and char bought a cake for jie then rite....the waitress dere did a rap haha then jie had to hold the sparkle thing lah....then she so pai seh...haha all the ppl there were like starring lah....haha....we were like laughing lah....then they give us sth that look like moth ball lah.....i was like tokin crap to the manager tel her wad moth balll got poison...then she say its dunno from where lah thetn i was like ohh so moth balll from that country no poison but singapore one have lah....haha...then we keep laughing lah...haha
reali enjoy the times i always with char....i know wad a true fren is now...indeed i have found one....a true fren is one that will laugh laughters with u and drop tears with u....i have found this person....i really thank god for putting her in my life...to make my life complete....haha...then after that we fooled around agn haha we were like clowns lah...then talk rubbish to the waitress lah haha then we were all laughing then we go tell the koreen we love her and an lian her then she so cute lah say she very touched later go one corner cry...haha then say she also an lian us...haha....so funny lah...so cute...haha i love koreen lah....haha then we left le then fool around again lah...haha char kissed my hand lah....haha i kissed hers too...haha....char should feel super honoured sia...haha...then the best is on saturday hahahaha....char u know wad i tokin rite???haha it will be ur lucky day ah....haha....today was realli fun...it made me realise that i have a truly great fren...if u can go out wwith a person and putting down ur troubles...that person u r going out with...is ur true fren....a true fren is someone wwhom u can confide in and will never leave u in the lurch and in this lonely world....i love u char!!!! thx for everything!!!!!
happy early--iated bday....hope u like everything we have planned...haha...and u very easy to pian sia....haha.....so funny.....i will forever remember this day!!!!U must too!!!!!hope u like everything!!!!

just for you

2006-04-10T22:03:00.000-07:00

i dunno wad happen...but i thot it was the best solution...i know my descision realy hurt u...im really very very sorry....im not happy either....i have no choice...i feel bad hiding things from her....i know that challenges should be overcomed together....but im realy so confused already and so tired of everything le...everything is my fault..none of the problems were from u....everything was just my fault from the very moment i made the first descision....it was a short period of time...but i really did not regret....i was the cause of everything....not u....i just wanna say sorry....memories are things that were once urs and never be urs again....the times will nv come back again but i really wanna say sry to u....i know that it has really hurt u...im realli sry....i think that im very selfish...buti thot that was the best way...chang tong bu ru duan tong....the longer the delay....the more serious it will be....im realli very very sorry.....if fate allows....the time will eventually come....hope u will understand but im really very sorry....im really sry to those whom i hid things from too.....im sorry.....

2006-04-08T09:24:00.000-07:00

2 days since i updated???haix...i just dun understand y do these kind of things always happen to me...how do i tell u without hurting u???i reali dunno...think about it b4 i sleep cos its when b4 one sleeps that his/her emotions are clearer???if i have thought it thru and i just wanna end...there is no way i can tell u....cos she will be awkward also...haix...why are all these happening to me???i reali dun understand haix...nothing more to say...i hate this world... the only important one to me is JESUS....i wanna thank god that thousand years ago...he gave his only son to clear our sins....i realli need JESUS in my life.....i hate this world...i hate myself....
-*pEnGuIn*- i thought everything will be alrite....i didnt expect things to turn out this way....i realli hate myself....the real descision comes from my heart though...not my mind...
[i need JESUS]*-

2006-04-05T05:55:00.000-07:00

today walk in the rain agn...haha hope i will not get sick...haha....i wan u to go watch sunrise with me haha....woots!!!!good friday go sentosa AGAIN haha its fun lor haha i love sentosa lah today i was so pissed off lah first period...PE run up the stupid dteps hope someday some ppl will just fall and dr boon will forbid the PE teachers from makin us run the steps ah...second and third period....home ec...there was so many ants lah...then mdms teos say nvms...wah lao...she wan the cake to have ants meh???of course she say nvm lah...not she eat wad...wad the heck lor...then i was like askin claudia to put the tray into the sink then she say i scream...i swear i didnt lah...then she say i act cute....wadeva lah pissed me off...after school went to eat prata....today boon tiong so talkative sia...haha...thats good its better than if he is dao...haha...i wanna watch sunrise and go SENTOSA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-*pEnGuIn*- i luvu

2006-04-04T06:32:00.000-07:00

monday got math test rite???think so lah....carn fail liao i must pass if not miss lee will ask me go remedial...i then dun wan ah waste my time....haha...sry char....haha sry ah....haha...so funny lah...u believe...haha nvm nvm....my back hurts like siao lah....then my eyes like weird weird sia....pain then keep blinking also think not enough sleep lor....got black eye circles liao haix.....
no mood to post liao haix...haha
-*pEnGuIn*- iluvu

2006-04-03T07:23:00.000-07:00

hi ppl haha i reached home at 9+ lah...haix glad that she now like ok liao...just wanna tell u that although some memories are still in my heart..but he is no longer in my heart le....dun worry...if u dun wan to, i also will not want to de......dun worry ok???
-*pEnGuIn*- iluvu...i really do

2006-04-02T07:41:00.001-07:00

plz cheer up la....u know we care for u....but y carn u tell us wads bothering u????its like u cheer us up then how about urself....i have let go...then u????its really not worth it after i found out theres someone else out there who is much worth me liking lah....if u really are not happy...i think its worth it if i drop and tear for u and u will cheer up cos im already crying....im realli very worried for u....believe me...its really not worth it...u know i've gone thru it also....wads the ending???i hurt myself...how abt him????i think he feels nth lah....so its reali not worth it....this is wad i can tell u....cos there is someone else out there who is much more worthy of your love....believe me...cos i've gone thru it.....i beg u lah char....tell us wad happen
i really care for me....believe me pls....tell me wad happened....i beg u...u say u hate human beings...if that's the case...i dun mind not being one as long as u are happy
-*pEnGuIn*- one thing comes after another....all the bad things are comin....but i will hold on thight...bcos i have u supporting me

2006-04-02T07:41:00.000-07:00

i dun regret sayin yes....i will bear all the consequences cos i really think that i have made the right choice....i love u.....u have gave me the love and faith...i luv u...i mean it....

2006-04-02T00:53:00.000-08:00

just came back from suntec...wad the hell lor caught in the rain...no umbrella sian ah...then all drenched...haix and im sneezing away.....gonna fall sick lor....
-*pEnGuIn*-

2006-04-01T19:09:00.000-08:00

hi ppl...haix i very sian now....so little ppl online...then he go service then nv bring hp....so sian....haix....tml got test lah...dun care...i study liao...anyways its chap 6 kind of er common sense de wad then chap 11 test b4 already wad....haix nth much..bye i very sian shall post again later ba...........anyways is it 30th march 10.25pm or is it 1st april 11.36pm????
-*pEnGuIn*-...iluvu...i reali do

2006-04-01T07:15:00.000-08:00

today went for service...got healing service...its like so amazing lah...den had bs...i was late!!!grace was angry....im really sorry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!haha then b4 bs had lunch with jh then made him wait for me for so long...somemore he alone...im so sorry!!!!!!!!!!!!!really very sorry.....and oh ya....HAPPY BDAY DIANA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!anyways, the memories seem to have faded...that may be good for the both of us too....shall not mention it anymore......
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i dunno if u r serious la...but maybe i shall blive u for once...but i really dunno lah....if u are serious then ok lah....but i will not know if u really are unless u tell me rite?
dun wanna post liao...nth much
anyways jh dun angry le lar k????
-*pEnGuIn*- iluvu...i really do
sorry grace i will not be late again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!i promise

2006-03-30T04:39:00.000-08:00

my life is in a total mess....y is she like so despo???as in wads her prob la????i dun wan history to repeat itself...i have already experienced it....she keeps finding fault with me that time cos she thinks that guy likes me....then she likes that guy....wads her prob lah???aiya enough misunderstandings le....i dun wan anymore le as in haix like ppl always say once bitten twice shy....i dun wanna have the same kind of misunderstandings again la...but its like wad can i do so that there will not be these kind of misunderstandings???its like if i dun wan her to misunderstand...i have to distant myself with him...but this means i might lose a fren....if i dun distant myself from him....then i will also lose her as my fren...i really duno wad to do la....everything in my life is in a mess now...can anyone tell me wad i shuld do???i see her everyday in skool...so if i dun clear the misunderstandings then we see each other everyday then so awkward...but i really dun wanna lose him as a fren....i carn blame her for being despo...i noe its bad to say this about her...but i ren wu ke ren already la....its like maybe its bcos she needs an quan gan la...or maybe she wans attention...i dunno la....i also not in a place to comment...its just up to me to settle this situation...but its like so wei nan me....haix wad should i do????i really dunno...nvm lets not tok about this...i reali wanna say to u...i still carn forget u...i can nv do that...cos it takes forever to forget someone...
-*pEnGuIn*- i luvu...i reali do
someone pls tell me wad to do lah....i reali dun blame her for being so despo lah...no offence...

2006-03-29T06:05:00.000-08:00

k err....today i saw nicholas cos jie brought him go eat dinner with us....its like omg la he so cute!!!!i fell in love with him at first sight....i book him first...haha saw in char's blog...true enough only in young children u will see the innocence and purity of their heart....bcos they still do not know wads love and wads hatred....this is also the reason y i dun wanna grow up....being a child is so good....u dun have to worry about certain things....i really miss those times haiz....i really wan those times bac...if i didnt grow up...i would not have known u and there will not be the happy memories forever in my heart....but the bad things are the bad memories....a beautiful scenery like the beach will not lat forever...a picture of happiness will...but a picture is never true in life....y is it so???i wish i am still a child....so i will not have known u....but if i knew that to get those good memories i hafta have those bad memories...i dun care...cos the gd memories will forever stay in my heart...locked in the only room in my heart for u.....im no longer a young child...but im happy to be a child of god....
...although there were bad memories...i thought it was all worth it....
...iluvu...i reali do
-*pEnGuIn*-

2006-03-29T05:23:00.000-08:00

early in the morning some ppl piss me off la...haix....was late for piano obviously get scolded rite????haix...suan le...used to it liao...dun know dun care....tt's how i feel about eth now adays....i just dun feel happy...easily pissed off...today char and jh came ahs then char pei me go piano haha then we went for dinner...i walk pass the bus stop but nv see him le...weird haha...nvm....i really carn forget u.....i got no mood to post today...ya so tt's all lor haha
-*pEnGuIn*-...i love u...i reali do

2006-03-28T05:14:00.000-08:00

today did duty then some ppl freaked me out lah....good lar u auyong ke wei!!!!gen wo ji zhu ah u!!!!hate u for my life!!!!!my lao po and yue fu also....haix i have tyhought through it....i think being good frens is much better than our current situation.....haix then today there was this ap guy pissed me off la....i said hi to him then he kind of dao me i say hi to him cos tt time he say hi then i didnt see mah....not my fault rite????then after school i walk pass him then he zhuang wo la....wads his prob la...piss me off..honestly la...nvm....i think we shld be good frens....but the prob is i carn put things down off my mind...and i know its my prob then....haix im reali sori....y carn i just let go of everything????i just hate myself for being so obstinate....i dun understand wad's my prob lah....haix...im so confused now....
-*pEnGuIn*-....iloveu...ireally do

2006-03-27T06:02:00.000-08:00

today went ikea with pat jie , mum, jie's fren and the bf of her fren la went shopping for furnitures cos jie got her own room le!!!!haha ii seem to not be able to 4get him...anyways im unlucky to have seen him so many times today la....carn blame anyone can only blame myself for being so unlucky la...haix....everytime i see him...i just carn help but to think of the happy times...but it will still lead me to the bad memories...i just wanna erase these out of my mind...maybe one day when u allread my blog and found out tt i have stopped tokin about these things...means i have forgotten him....but i dunno when that will happen...let's not tok about it anymore...wa my legs gonna break la...then wanted rush home cos wanna come online but then they just continued shopping so nvm lor...then in the mrt no place to sit....went tamp there for dinner with mummy and jie....then came home....im so tired la...my mind feels tired....my heart feels even more tired...it even hurts....the wound will nv heal...and i think it will take forever for me to 4get u....i dunno if u got come my blog de la...but i hope u nv la...cos u might think i blame u...but seriously i dun....i just blame myself for being stupid...
-*pEnGuIn*-
ihateliars!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i love E222...my love not FOC de la haha
i luvu...i reali do...<3333
if life is a song and love is the lyrics...i hope my song is a joyful wan....then my love for u and your love for me will nv fade....so the lyrics will be of a happy tone...and i will have a happy life

2006-03-25T20:49:00.000-08:00

i looked at the ring...wonder if i should throw it away....but i wanna throw away the ring cos it reminded me of the bad memories...but italso holds the good memories....i looked at the ring....its dirty le...dunno if its a scratch or sth....but it cannot be wiped away....its just like the scar u left in my heart....it will forever be there....y did it have to be u???i dun wan u to apologise or sth la....cos its not your fault....when it comes to love...there is no right and wrong....so i carn realli blame u....i can only blame myself for being stupid to believe u when u said that u will forever stay by my side...i wanna be happy...i know that if i wanna be happy....i must learn to let go....but i just carn cos i dun ever wanna forget alll the happy things that happen to us....i dun wanna let go cos all know the happy things will nv happen to the both of us again...y does it have to be u...who hurt me???i dun understand ....but i have to thank u for lettin me realise who my true frens are....they are not ppl who will touch presents and hide them away....and one who will sow discord....u also made me understand the term"empty promises".....and of course u made me that bubbles will eventually burst....means that not all hopes will come true...and that i willl eventually grow up and realise wads love and hatred....although u hurt me....but i have to thank u....maybe u think that i owe u an apology bcos i also caused disruptions in ur life....IM SORRY...IM REALI SORRY....all the empty promises....u told me u will forever be by my side....but look at us now.... we are like strangers....y did things have to turn out this way???i really dun understand....i must learn to let go....y is it so easy to fall in love with someone but so difficult to let someone step out of your life....i wish i never knew u....but if that was the case....i will never understand the things i always hope for will never come true....i hope i left u with good memories too...if i didnt im really very sorry....i will never bother u again if u think i ever have....i wish u all the best....and thanks to all those who have cheered me up....obviously they are the ppl of E222...i really wanna thank all of u....
-*pEnGuIn*-3words8letter1meaning....iloveu...
woaini....aishiteru....iloveu...ireallydo
i wanna be happy....instead of acting happy....u made me realise wad is empty promises....bcos u made them to me......
if its so difficult for someone to step out of ur heart...i never wan anyone to touch my heart....
if it takes forever in one's lifetime to forget someone...im willing to die now...so that i will forget u...thank u E222!!!!love all of u....

2006-03-25T06:16:00.000-08:00

i wore the ring today....reminded me of him....remembered the happy times agn....they will forever be in my heart.i just dun understand y some things r so difficult to let go....haix...nvm....i think it takes time to heal a wound....moreover a wound in my heart....today baked cookies again and cooked prawns...hope they were nice la...haha ppl pissed me off agn today....haix....i dun understand y i can get so easily pissed off these few days....i think i should change...maybe it was just thet wound in my heart that had caused all these unhappiness in my life...y do unhappy things always happen to me n char????i really dun understand la...haix....the happy times we had...i dun wanna act like im happy when im not....ppl tell me they miss my smile and they wanna see my smile again....but the actual fact is there wasnt even a real smile on my face b4....im always lookin happy on the outside....but inside me....no one konws....maybe just my bestest frens will...but how many of them????i really wanna feel happy....i dun wanna cry myself to sleep...but i wanna enter my dreams with a smile....i wanna be really happy instead of puttin on a fake smile...i dun wan ppl to like the smile of the present but the smile on my face when i m really happy one day....wonder when the day will come????haix....im so confused???should i pretend that nth had happened at all b4????or wad???i think lettin go is the best solution.....how i wish i will never grow up so i will nv know wad's love....and all these will nv happen but i know the thing tt will not happen is all my dreams about not havin to grow up and all those rubbish....but wad i say is not rubbish la cos i m serious about not wanting to grow up.....ppl told me today that i have a black face...in other words i dun feel happy....that's quite true instead its totally true la...but nvm all i can say is nth really happened...al maybe some things happened and its all my fault???i really dunno how to answer la so the best is dun answer lor....when will i ever be happy???i wanna stop lookin happy but i wanna be realy happy lah.....i was thinkin of thtrowin the ring away...i really dunno wad to do with it....it makes me remind of the bad things.....but it also holds the good times we had....i really dunno...i just know that i wanna be happy...i wanna see a shootin star so tt i can make a wish....but is it really true that when one wishes upon a shootin star...his/her wish will come true???no one knows....
*//___i know that u all care....im really sorry if u all were worried about me....im sorry___//*
i wanna see a shootin star.....where are the promises that u gave????u said u will be with me 4ever.....i once believed but now i dun...and i will nv agn......
*//___not alone but feels alone___//*
there is never a lone ranger in christ....but i know E222 is forever there for me....i really wanna thank all of u and also char...thank u.........
i really wanna give up........

2006-03-23T04:58:00.000-08:00

I LOVE JIE HAN LA!!!!!!!!!!!!!haha i reali wanna thank him for spending so much time and effort in helpin me make such a nice blog la...alot of things happen since the beginning of the week la but im glad some misunderstandings have already been cleared...so many things happened between us...we have bcome distant...like strangers...i dunno y????i dun understand also...but nvm everything has changed so i think i should change too...haha from jan to now...i know some sec 1s le lah...about the sec 1s...i have no comment...then i get to know a new fren la...foo jie han haha he very nice de...haha jh look at this...haha i just wish tt things between the both of us can be cleared la...as in we can talk about it la...its all bcos of her that we bcame like tt...or maybe it was my fault....i dunno...just wish tt we could be as close as b4 la....i dunno wad u r thinkin la...but i think after v. day we bcome very distant le lor....haix....some time has passed....but things didnt get better...cos with me trying so hard to patch things up....she is there trying to sow discord and...haix...nvm shall not say anymore la....just dun understand y u do such things la...hais...now without char char in AHS its like so sian....but i get to know charmaine...nice girl haha can get along well lor ya....and her frens nalina and yvette....haha i need to dis-yvette my face though haha....they are all nice ppl...i really have to thank god tt he has put nice ppl in my life...and i know its my responsibility to treasure them la...but i really didnt expect things to turn out like tt for the both of us....haix....i will nv 4get the times when we were so close....i dun wanna bluff myself tt nth happened la...cos i really carn treat it as tt way la...haix really miss those time so badly la....they are like fading away each and every day....i dunno wads on ur mind but i hope tt things will eventually turn out well for us...i know its not possible la...i just dun wan to be sad anymore and wear a smile on and act like im happy when im in front of my frens....but wad can i do????without u...eth seems so weird....u say u will stay by my side....i dunno if u were lyin...but i think tt doesnt matter much to u le rite????i think i should just learn to let go...instead of holding to the bad memories but im afraid tt all the sweet memories will fade away as well....i reali dunno wad i shld do....i carn sleep those few days....cos i dun wanna close my eyes and forget u and the times we had.... i carn take it anymore...i think one day i will just break down la....im no longer the happy me....bcos of me...u created an impact in my life...yes...u....i wanna 4get all those things...but i carn bear to...haix....but nvm...i think i have given up long ago...or maybe i was just cheating myself...i reali dunno....
-*pEnGuIn*-
iluvu....y did things have to turn out this way????
prawns rox!!!!!! I LUV MY "LAO GONG" JIE HAN!!!!(look at the inverted comas ppl!!!)
no longer the happy me..y did it have to be u???i dun understand...i dun wanna grow up so i will nv understand wad's luv and hatred....and most importantly i will not have known u...